


In a prison of his own creation.

by billie758657



Series: Butternut (Gender neutral reader) [3]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Cuddles, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gender Neutral, Gender Neutral Reader Insert, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Kinda, Kissing, M/M, Negan's name is Joe, Other, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, Reader Insert, Smut, a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 13:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billie758657/pseuds/billie758657
Summary: Request based on the prompt: "Let's run away together."Negan comes into your room late at night for the first time in a long while. You've known something has been wrong for a long time but maybe tonight you can figure out a way to save him from himself.





	In a prison of his own creation.

It was almost pitch black in your room but the soft click of your door was unmistakable despite you being on the verge of sleep.

Your senses heightened, you strain to hear any signs of your intruder. Turning to face the door before your eyes had adjusted to the darkness seemed like a bad idea but you do reach your arm carefully to grip the blade under your mattress.

As a floorboard groans sharply under their feet you make your move and shoot up, defensively bracing yourself in the direction of your would-be-attacker.  
  
“Woah. Hold the fuck up butternut. It's just me.”

The adrenaline spike flushes your system, coupled with sheer relief making your skin prickle uncomfortably. Squinting slightly you manage to make out the shape of a familiar silhouette which matched the voice perfectly. It was him.

Sighing, you run a hand through your hair, easing back on the bed into a reclined position. “You scared me.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” For once you actually believe him. He sounds dog tired, his voice heavy, laced with something that sounds a lot like regret.

It occurs to you that you probably should be angry – or at least a lot more annoyed with him than you are now. There was a lot you had forgiven him for but him taking his frustrations out on you, for pretending you didn't even exist all because you had told him something he didn't want to hear had broken something inside you. It hadn't been fair, but you had gotten used to him just not being around anymore.

But no. Looking at the man looming awkwardly beside your bed, you couldn't help but feel sorry for him. You didn't want to, falling in love with him was never part of your plan but it happened anyway, it was as easy as breathing.

Moving over to the other side of your mattress, placing your knife on the table with a soft clink, you look up expectantly, accepting the inevitable. “You just gonna stand there?”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the man toes off his boots and in one fluid motion, drapes himself over you. Leaning most of his weight on the mattress beside you, he abandons all sense of propriety and you feel the scruff of his beard and his hot breath against your neck.

There is no intent. He just lies there with his face against your throat and you can't help but wind your arms around his neck, threading your fingers into his hair, pulling him closer. You know how he feels. As much as it frustrates you to admit, you feel overcome with the sense of safety, familiarity, home. It has been too long.

That is how you stay, for so long that all sense of time seems to float away. Your fingers rhythmically carding though his hair, scratching lightly over his scalp, his warm weight on top of your body a reminder of every embrace, every smile you had both shared. For a while it's almost as if nothing had happened, the fear this new world brings feels quieter, almost non existent in the moment.

You feel his body slowly relax, beginning to sag slightly against you. Just when you start to think that maybe he has fallen asleep, he shudders, sighing so deeply it makes you ache inside. You know this man well enough to know something must have happened. Why else would he break his resolve to stay away from you? He's hurting.

Sliding a hand down his back, you do your best to silently soothe him. As much as you treasure being trusted enough to see his guard falter, you hate seeing him like this. But then, is it really your problem? You tried to help last time and he had thrown it in your face. Should you be helping him again?

Oblivious to your inner conflict, he presses a soft kiss against your throat, warming your insides. “It’s getting worse.”

It was the confirmation you needed – but it was hardly surprising. Growing numbers of people became harder to control so more extreme action was needed every time. People became desensitised to the brutality so Negan had no choice but to step up his game to keep them in line. It got worse every time. It was only a matter of time before it would get out of control.

It was an old argument, one that had been allowed to come between you both. You wondered if this was his way of conceding. Letting you know that you were right after all.

Maintaining your rhythm, you hum in acknowledgment. Point scoring was pointless. When it came down to it nothing else really mattered. You would help this man every single time. You didn’t have anything else to lose.

For the first time since you've known him, he sounds lost, almost afraid. “What do I do?”

You want to have the words he needs, to fix his broken system and stop it from spiralling out of control but you cant find them. If he stops he shows weakness and weakness will get him killed. Carrying on would mean giving into their bloodlust and giving the masses what they want in order to keep control which would work - until it didn't. He was trapped. Caught in a system of his own making, surrounded by people who wouldn't hesitate to take it from him.

Sighing, you hold the man tighter as though it would help. “I don’t know Joey.”

The silence is deafening. It’s only in the dead of night that you find yourself so keenly aware of how bad things are. At least this time you're not alone.

“Days like this make me wish that I'd never started this place.”

His whispered confession makes you frown. What could have happened to make him feel so bad? While you couldn't condone his methods, you had always felt proud of Negan for building something out of this new world. Nothing else you had seen came close. As you marvelled at his achievement you couldn't help but wonder if it really was worth it. In terms of the greater good of course it was. He had saved so many people from themselves. But you had never really been concerned about the greater good.

There was always another option.

You muse out loud into the dark room. “So, let's just go.”

“Go?” He presses another kiss to your neck, moving up towards your jaw tenderly without any real heat. God how you've missed him.

Feeling your body melt under his touch you continue to think out loud. “Yeah. We’ll pack up a truck. Me and you. Fill it with gas. You tell em we’re going on a long run and we just - go. Keep going. Leave.”

At your words he pulls away slightly to look at you with a furrowed brow, perhaps trying to tell if you're serious or not. Your inner desire gets the better of you for a moment, taking the opportunity to surge forward and kiss him hard, impulsively catching him off guard.

His low growl lights a fire inside of you. It has been too long since you had last felt him, too long since you had felt anything even remotely like this. Your mouth moves against his as your hands tighten in his hair. He soothes his palm down your side and everything feels right and good with the world.

It's almost too easy to fall into the familiar habit. You know his body so well even his smell feels warm and inviting. With a pleasured sigh he breaks away from your mouth to kiss along your neck, leaving you panting, arching beneath him.

He's welcoming your distraction but that wasn't the plan. It would be so easy to give in. To be carried away in his easy ecstasy. Berating yourself for passing up the moment, you bring yourself back in line and whisper into the shell of his ear. You couldn't just let your thought slide.

“Let’s run away together.”

He stops then. Pulling back just enough to look at you properly, panting, he sobers up. For a brief moment you see the vulnerable Negan once again, the real Negan, as unsure of the new world as the next person. He huffs a laugh, the corners of his mouth turning up into an easy smirk before resting his forehead against your skin.

“It’s pretty fucking tempting sometimes butternut.”

“So say yes.” You gently coax the man, running your fingers along his defined arms, keeping your hopeful eyes on his just to make sure he knows how serious you are.

A pained expression pinches his features and before anything leaves his mouth you know. It doesn't make it any less painful to hear him say it.

“I can’t.”

Your eyes flutter closed. Trying to hide the pain you feel. You hadn't really expected anything more from him but you couldn't help how you felt either. It was going to be the death of him one day. What was the point of saving everyone else if it meant he couldn't save himself?

He reaches up to you, pressing gentle kisses to your forehead, eyes, cheeks, the corners of your mouth. Caressing your skin until you open your fearful eyes to look at him. He's beautiful.

“I’ll fix it. It’ll get better. I fucking promise you that, butternut.”

He looks so sincere, so resolved. You don't have a doubt in your mind that he believes he really can take hold of things. You know he'll never leave, that he'll see it through to whatever end.

Cupping his face in your hands you smile softly despite the ache inside. The new world isn't kind to anyone else so why should you be any different?

“I know you will Joe. I know.”

Pulling him close you wrap your arms around the man tightly. You know that you will never leave either. You are as stuck as he is. After all, where would you even go? You are already home.

 


End file.
